On Monday morning, at 6:45am, I fell back to sleep on the couch while BB ran circles around the living room (yep, he walks now!) shouting “tractor tractor”.
My head was thumping and I felt like my throats had been replaced by millions of razor blades.
I heard the shower go which signalled Mr was out of bed and starting to get ready for work, which meant in perfect synchronisation I could get BB dressed and he’d be ready as Mr put on his socks.
This morning I didn’t need to get dressed. This morning I needed to crawl back under my duvet and cry. Sorry, I mean sleep. There would be no nursery run for me, no cuddles as we walk up the stairs. No packed central line commute. Today was a time for an out of office.
The difference between going to work and being on maternity leave was drastic. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m on maternity leave I’m still awake at the crack of dawn. But, if we really want to, we could snuggle down watching cartoons or just lay in bed reading books. Now it’s different. Regardless of what time BB wakes us up, I’m getting myself ready to face the day at 6:30 and out the door at any time between 7 and 7:30am. There is just no down time.
So I’m not surprised I got ill. I’m surprised it took so long to get ill, but I’m not surprised it happened.
I’m a shell of my former self. My hair is dull, I’ve gained weight, my skin has broken out. I’m just exhausted. But, I am getting used to it. Nursery drop offs are now a doddle. He still whimpers but I know he’s stopped within seconds of me leaving – mainly when he’s tempted with a bowl of porridge.
The days are longer, meaning BB is more likely to want to play when he gets home from wherever he was that day so I don’t feel like I’m not seeing him.
And the two days I took to my bed this week were glorious. Not because I was ill. I was so ill. But, I got to sit down and not think about anything. I turned my emails off. I had a bath without feeling guilty that I was in the bath instead of spending quality time with Mr. I caught up on crap TV and most importantly, I slept.
Batteries recharged, and I’m coming back stronger than ever!